Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Crazy paranoid/schizo shopping rant

When it comes to shopping at my local grocery store, I am developing shopper's anxiety/paranoid/discomfort. Why? Because I am convinced that the cashiers/baggers are judging me.

But that's crazy, Jan, you might exclaim!

Think about it. How many times is a hungry, lazy college student with either too much or too little time on their hands going to go food shopping? The answer is just enough that the people who work there recognize you. Sometimes when I get home from school or work late I like to do some late-night grocery shopping for guilty pleasures such as fruit roll ups or gherkins, WHAT!? Are you going to look at my selections on the conveyor belt and give me that weird look?

What about the middle-aged guy a few months ago that bought a six pack and a bag of oreos? Do you think he was preparing for a big night out? I don't think so.

Or the child star I stood behind that was buying steak, milk, and coke in a little red wagon.

Or the girl that only buys really, really healthy vegetables sans preservatives (in which case she really shouldn't be shopping at this la dee dah store).

You can assume a lot about someone by looking at their food selections. If I didn't know me, I'd say I had some problems. Which I do. I just want to eat shit in peace! So what if all I'm buying day to day is fruit roll ups, apple sauce, oatmeal, carrots, hummus, granola bars, and water? You want to make something of it? I'm a picky eater with problems and I need sustenance.

Maybe I should start using Fresh Direct. I hear their stuff is fresh and direct.

1 comment:

  1. i dont understand why that group of items is weird... like at all. No, seriously. I don't think they're judging you, you're just being paranoid.